otherwise…and he would never understand that I could make him happy. That I could mend clothes and make porridge and clean the house and be a good wife. I just needed to give him a little push…for him to see whom I really was.（没错，我用了迷情剂。我告诉自己，那是唯一的办法。不然我永远都见不到他……他也永远不会明白，我可以让他快乐。我会缝补衣服，会熬煮粥羹，会打扫房子，我能做一个好妻子。我只是需要稍微推他一把……让他看到我的真正模样。”） “But deep down， I knew it was wrong. I knew it was cruel. I took his will， his freedom. I turned him into something he wasn’t. And when I finally stopped… he left. Of course， he left.”（但内心底，我知道这么做是错的。我知道这么做是残忍的。我为了我自己的意志，剥夺了他的意志，他的自由。我把他变成了他本不是的一个人。当我终于住手时……他走了……他当然走了……） 她睁开眼，泪水涌出视向不同方向的浅灰色眸，淅淅沥沥滑落苍白的脸颊：“It was payback， Tom. I was a monster who got what she deserved. How could I be worthy of anything after that? How could I be a good mother to you， when I wasn’t even a good person?”（那是我的报应，汤姆。我只是个罪有应得的禽兽。在犯下如此罪恶之后，我还能值得拥有什么？我连一个好的人都不是，我怎么能做一个好母亲？） 汤姆剑眉紧锁，拳慢慢握紧，声音低沉而冷硬：“You think that excuses what you did? You think that makes it right to abandon me?”（你以为这就能为你所做的一切开脱吗？你以为这就能让你抛弃我变得理所当然吗？） 梅洛普惊慌地摇了摇头：“No！ I don’t deserve to be excused！ What I said…it…it doesn’t excuse anything！ I was weak. I was…evil. And when I looked at you， I was afraid. I thought， What if you turned out like me? What if I ruined you， too? What if you hated me for what I’d done? Maybe you’d be better off without me. Maybe… if I took myself to the grave， you’d have a chance to be better， to be stronger than I ever was.”（不！我不值得被原谅！我说的话……不是想开脱任何事！我……软弱，我……我邪恶。当我看到你，我……我好怕……我记得我在想：如果你和我一样怎么办？如果我毁了你怎么办？如果你因为我做的事情而恨我怎么办？或许没有我，你会成长得更好。或许……如果我把自己带进坟墓里，你才有机会成长为一个比我更好，更坚强的人。） 汤姆的声音沉得比刚才更低：“You thought leaving me alone in an orphanage would make me stronger? You thought that was love? Do you know the kind of life I had there?”（你以为把我留在孤儿院能让我更好、更坚强？！你以为那就是爱？！你知道我在那里经受了什么吗！？） 梅洛普更